Rainmearainbow

Where there is hope, there will be love.

I Don’t Love You Anymore

by Thought Catalog

[I don’t love you anymore because I’m not important to you and you give me nothing. Maybe saying that makes me a selfish person but I no longer care. Memory is not enough to sustain love and that’s another reason I don’t love you anymore.] – Star

Thought Catalog

Saying that about a friend used to really scare me but now it doesn’t. I don’t love you anymore: it’s a fact and it’s not even cold or hard. It doesn’t scare me anymore because it’s just the truth. I don’t love you anymore. You and I are cut.

Relationships are something I’ve always been bad at but friendships are something I’ve always been proud of. I never really thought a friend could do something I wouldn’t forgive them for, something I wouldn’t be there to pick up the pieces after, anything we do to fuck things up with the people we care about the most. Platonic love has always felt stronger than romantic love because that’s what constructs our core. You had no selfish reasons to put up with my fuck ups but you put up with them anyway because you loved me and I loved you back.

But…

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by Thought Catalog

We fall in love and are paralyzed with fear over announcing it first — the implication is that, if the man has not initiated the proclamation, it is because he does not yet feel that way. There is always an order to be followed, and we cannot just go saying how we feel at will, we would scare someone off. And when other, more difficult-to describe emotions come along, we couldn’t imagine letting you know. They mean too much.

Thought Catalog

You will look at us with these prying, insisting eyes. You will wonder — possibly out loud — why we feel that we can’t be honest with you about how we’re feeling. We will avoid your glance and say “I’m fine,” even though everyone in the conversation is more than aware that we’re not. In fact, “fine” is a pleasant, distant stasis that we haven’t imagined attaining in longer than we can remember. But when you look at us like that, with those eyes that insist on a kind of honesty we have never felt comfortable displaying, there is no chance that we will answer. We will shake our heads, say “nothing,” and walk away.

We have always been told that this honesty is ugly. We have been afraid, as long as we can remember, of coming across as the girl who is too much all at once. We know…

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by Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

I don’t really remember the leaving.

I remember the two short-lived hugs at my terminal. I remember the hand full of salty tears that outlined our goodbye and I remember my hands holding onto my bags so tight that my knuckles lost most of their color. I carried them through the sliding glass doors and further forward, until my fingers began to tingle. And I didn’t check to see if they were still standing there behind me. But I didn’t have to turn around to know for sure. They were waiting until I disappeared, I could feel it.

I remember falling asleep and waking up to the tip tapping of the rain. It kissed me hello through the windows of my cab. And it was windy that day so the drops moved sideways before they rushed off the glass. My driver was speeding over the bridge, like he knew I…

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by Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

You told me you would call me back. It’s an easy thing to say, you know. You don’t really think of it as the words come out of your mouth, but it calms the other person down and takes a bit of the urgency out of the situation. You’ve bought yourself some time, and for a moment, all parties are satisfied. “Everything will be okay, I’ll call you back.”

But when you say that to someone, someone who is hanging on your every word and really wants to believe it when you say something as straightforward as promising to call, it means something. We take in these words and, consciously or not, form our days around them. We will look at our phones again and again, checking them to make sure that we haven’t missed anything, picking them up even when they don’t buzz because we have convinced ourselves we…

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by Thought Catalog

You choose happiness. You choose what success is. You choose your family. You choose your home. (I personally believe it’s the person or place you always return to, but that’s just me). What you may not realize is that every aspect of your life is changeable, and more important, beautiful, just as it is… because you’ve chosen it. You know what you have to do now, and just like more often than not in life, you know what the right thing is. It’s just having the courage to do it. It’s easy to sit in your misery and feel sorry for yourself. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that worrying about something will change it.

Have the courage to choose happiness

Thought Catalog

It’s the end-goal of everything we do. It’s why we pray, get married, go to college, slave through tiresome days at the office, endure heartache, buy into fads, and move through (the sometimes unbearable) woes of everyday life…  and more importantly, it’s why we care so damn much about it all. It’s why we are so hurt when our lives don’t become what we had hoped they would be. Its happiness, and it’s at the root of everything we desire. But what we seem to overlook is that happiness is not an elusive state of euphoria that we eventually stumble upon once all of our goals are fulfilled. Happiness is a choice, and you are just as capable of experiencing it now as you will be once your life looks as you think it ideally should.

Yes. Happiness is a choice. And you can choose it right now. Close…

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by Thought Catalog

Not exactly always this way…

Thought Catalog

Break up spectacularly. Break up in this sort of inevitable way where you both know it’s coming and going to meet each other to do it is sort of like walking to the gallows between a stream of people staring at you and humming under their breath with solemn faces. Break up in a very loud, public way where everyone knows he came too fast and she never liked his parents.

Try to immediately become friends. Hang out and get coffee and laugh and act normal. Feel weird about not kissing goodbye.

Feel listless and sad afterwards though. Decide not to hang out again for a while.

Try cutting each other out of your lives. Try hanging out with your mutual friends without it being awkward when one of them brings up your ex. Try going to the bars you used to go to without wondering if they’re going to…

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by Thought Catalog

You should be with someone who values your time and calls when they say they are going to, who shows up on time to a date or texts you if they are going to be late. Spend your time with people who aren’t too important to look up from their phone and stop texting when you are speaking or who know not to answer unimportant calls when you are together. Someone who politely apologizes for taking that important call and knows who to pick up for.

Life is short, so you shouldn’t waste it on someone who doesn’t understand you, refuses to try and get you, won’t put in the time for you, who is rude to you, your friends or to other people and doesn’t even call you. Don’t worry about if they read, if they don’t read, if they watch movies or if they’re into the wrong kind of music; worry about whether they care that you do. Details are important, but if the world ends this year, it’ll be more important to say you wasted the time you have left with someone who cares.

Thought Catalog

You should be with someone who values your time and calls when they say they are going to, who shows up on time to a date or texts you if they are going to be late. Spend your time with people who aren’t too important to look up from their phone and stop texting when you are speaking or who know not to answer unimportant calls when you are together. Someone who politely apologizes for taking that important call and knows who to pick up for. Someone who also knows that their parents and their grandparents are important in their life, too, and has a good enough relationship with their family to pick up when they call. Someone who still tells their mother or father “I love you,” even when they are in public, and who can’t wait to tell you, when the time is ready.

Date a person who…

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by Thought Catalog

I once felt this before when I’m with you.

Thought Catalog

We had the most perfect day, even though it was just any other day. We got back to your place in the evening, we sat in our pyjamas and drank wine, it was like ‘this is what we do.’

I was surprised when we climbed into bed together. I was overly aware that I’d stripped my face of all my make-up and that it was the first time you’d be seeing me without it. I turned the light off swiftly.

I lay there. I could hear you breathing quietly, my head felt fuzzy. Our elbows were touching. I was so aware of the feeling of your skin against mine. I slipped my hand into yours, I didn’t know if this was okay, but I needed you to know that I liked you sexually, romantically, infinitely. You held my hand and then you lightly stroked my fingers. We lay there for…

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by Thought Catalog

You taught me that if it is meant to be, a few days spent with that one person is all it takes to develop a connection. However, a connection does not necessarily signify that the two people are right for each other — it could have been a wrong place, wrong time, or just the wrong person. A connection is just a connection unless proven otherwise.

But most importantly, you taught me the way to love someone is through actions, and not words, because actions do speak louder than words, and could express what love is better than the English language could ever describe. You taught me to not be selfish with my feelings and that if I take the step to give, maybe I will receive a surprise in return. And trust me, I am still learning.

Thought Catalog

This is a letter I was too afraid to send out, but it comes from the heart. These are the things I would tell him, if we were to meet again.

Dear You,

Hi. I never knew I’d see you again. It has been ages since I last saw you, and frankly I thought that would be the last of it.

Well, apparently not.

The previous time we spoke seemed like ages ago. Memories of being around you are stored in a rusty cabinet, untouched. I can no longer recall your favorite catchphrases, or the way you wear your hair. I can’t remember the way your eyes would dart around the room, or how you were able to make me feel so overwhelmed with emotions.

But I can remember the way you always had that ugly jeans-and-slippers combination on unless I protested, and the way you gave me sad pitying…

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by Thought Catalog

Eras end. Friendships, daily routines, jobs, locations, relationships, lives – anything you’re a part of right now is liable to end some day. Maybe temporarily, but possibly forever. Endings as a whole tend to be crappy. Personally, I hate when something I’m enjoying nears the end, so much so that I always avoid the last 20 seconds on the final tracks of my favorite albums, or turn off my favorite movies before the end credits begin. It’s extreme and perhaps even a little odd, but somehow it eases the disappointment in the fact that something I relished is over. In life, these endings are far different than the last 20 seconds of Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On, because I can just start the disc over. Endings in real life – in our lives, are simply not that simple.

Goodbyes are never going to be something we can adapt to. They’re all different and each one is followed by a different person, place or thing being absent in our lives. There are the necessary goodbyes that we feel a sense of relief after, but even then, to know that something we once felt strongly about or comfortable with is going to cease to exist can be scary. Maybe we should eliminate “goodbye” from our vocabulary. Ciao, farewell, later, ta-ta, adieu – take your pick — any of those feel a lot less concrete and final, even if goodbye is the sad reality.

Thought Catalog

Goodbyes Are The Worst

Eras end. Friendships, daily routines, jobs, locations, relationships, lives – anything you’re a part of right now is liable to end some day. Maybe temporarily, but possibly forever. Endings as a whole tend to be crappy. Personally, I hate when something I’m enjoying nears the end, so much so that I always avoid the last 20 seconds on the final tracks of my favorite albums, or turn off my favorite movies before the end credits begin. It’s extreme and perhaps even a little odd, but somehow it eases the disappointment in the fact that something I relished is over. In life, these endings are far different than the last 20 seconds of Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On, because I can just start the disc over. Endings in real life – in our lives, are simply not that simple.

Goodbyes are directly linked to endings. A career change…

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