by Thought Catalog
Sometimes, though, you have to say goodbye. You make the decisions that are based more on self-love and self-preservation than we are used to making, decisions which remind us that we are are not just half of a whole, but a whole in ourselves, something that needs care and attention. There will come a point at which your love for someone else — your will for them to get better, to stop hurting you, to stop hurting themselves — will be overcome with a more palpable love for being healthy and safe. And when it happens, saying goodbye is no longer a choice. It is simply a move we must make, even if a part of us wants to cling to the notion that it will one day prove still alive.
And they may get better. They may change. They may become that person that you imagined they would one day be, free of the harmful habits which made you leave in the first place. But you may find that you, too, have changed while you were waiting. You may no longer fit the puzzle you left, nor want the happiness you once felt could only come from being within it. Sometimes we wish it would be a “see you later,” but are relieved to find that it was really a “goodbye.”
He was hurting himself. There wasn’t quite the obvious drawing of blood as in, say, a razor to the inner wrists, but he wanted to feel something. I would watch him go out with his friends and say “We’re going to get a drink to celebrate a friend’s promotion, I’ll call you around eight for dinner.” I knew not to pick up my phone until much later the next day, when there would be an apology and an explanation as to why he didn’t ever call. There was always a reason that was as complex as it was credible, but was never more than a cover-up for what he was really doing. We both knew he was drinking — and knew that the other knew it — but I think it helped him to say that he had a problem with his car.
Some people aren’t necessarily soothing a pain…
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